Struggling to Find My Rhythm

I’ve been on a little summer break from writing on the blog. We’ve been traveling and I’ve lost my writing rhythm. I have a problem with starting things. Once I do start with a project and something goes wrong or I stop for whatever reason that project will most likely not come to fruition. Why is that? I don’t know. I guess that’s something weird about me. Mommy struggles people.

We were in Jacksonville at my parents house for a couple of weeks and once we’ve returned I’ve been focused on getting the house organized. We’re remodeling and updating the house we purchased back in the beginning of February. Slow & steady it’s coming along.  Our new appliances are in place and my kitchen is beginning to look like something I enjoy cooking in.

Then there’s the occasional “I have too much on my plate” days.

I just sit on the couch with the kiddo and watch cartoons with him. I’m in a total funk right now. I don’t know if it’s because I’ve been so isolated from moving away to a new place.  I haven’t joined any class activities with my son. We haven’t decided on a church to attend or have gone to any to see if they fit our family (other than an open house for a new church that’s opening up soon).

Ultimately, I’ve been down a lot lately. I’m struggling to put myself out there. I’m in need of a village that’s not around and I simply don’t have the strength to search for one. Basically I’m digging myself a bigger hole of loneliness. There are days I have a burst of energy where I get lots done, my bullet journal has helped me through keeping track of my day to day activities. Sometimes I just don’t write in it for days at a time.

It’s not that I don’t want to write. I do! I’ve just had a lot on my mind. I’m being pulled in different directions and nothing gets written down. I have total scatter brain, some of it is still the effects of my miscarriage. Miscarriage, plus new city, no friends, and scatter brain are not a good combination.

I’ll have tons of ideas on what to write but I never get around to it. So today I decided to just let whatever is my head at this exact moment pour out of me so I can begin to feel some clarity. They said a brain dump is something you should do daily. I’m doing an emotional dump right now in the hopes it will get the writing/creative juices flowing again.

Thanks for sticking around & reading through my struggles. Have you gone through this or something similar? What did you do to get yourself out of the funk?


Books To Read:

*These are affiliate links, by purchasing through the links below you help me keep up with costs associated with running a blog at no additional cost to you. Thanks in advance!

1.For the Love: Fighting for Grace in a World of Impossible Standards by Jen Hatmaker
2.The Absorbent Mind by Maria Montessori
3.Bringing Up Bébé: One American Mother Discovers the Wisdom by Pamela Druckerman
4.Praying Circles Around Your Children by Mark Batterson
5.Motherhood Realized: An Inspiring Anthology for the Hardest Job You’ll Ever Love by Power of Moms

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Bye bye showers

You remember a time when taking a shower was just as easy as brushing your teeth? Well, that has become a thing of the past for me.

Image courtesy of num_skyman /

First time I tried to shower with no one in the house… Picture this… Humm baby is asleep. I’ll jump in and take a quick shower.
I’m pretty much done with shower, just removing conditioner out of my hair and I think I hear the baby cry… I turn off the water and yes… HE IS. I panic a little and try to talk to him… I’m almost done baby… Hang on as if he cares what I’m doing. I get out of the shower half wrapped in the towel (I wouldn’t dare having the towel touch my nipples) hair dripping wet and pick up the baby… He cries even louder….I sing, I rock him… And he doesn’t let up… Maybe he’s hungry? It hasn’t been that long but if all else fails stick a boob on him (works like a charm) by this time my towel has fallen off… Hair is still dripping and baby at my boob. So I sit down naked & wet and begin to call my husband … Are you almost here? I explain the story and he says 10 minutes. 
So ok… I try to take Nicolas off the breast and he cries again… I just wanted to dry myself I was gonna feed him some more but nooooo… Stay put lady.  Husband arrives and looks at me and says ” I’m going to jump in the shower and then I’ll get him” —- ummmm are you kidding me? But yep. That happened. 
I ended up swearing to my child I would never shower again. His first broken promise. We’re gonna have a rough road ahead. Sorry kid.
Got any shower horror stories? Let me know below.
Hope you’re enjoying reading these posts. I’m having a blast writing about them.

Stay tuned for more. Giveaway coming soon!

I made dinner last night… Gasp!

Can you believe it? For those who don’t know .. I haven’t made any meals for as long as baby has been here and a couple a weeks before he arrived.  It’s not that I haven’t wanted to… I was just so tired. Granted my angel of a mother was with me for over a month and made all of our meals! Thanks MOM!!!!

Now that she’s gone I’ve had to fend for myself – boohoo poor me :(. Children apparently have “witching hour” in which they get fussy.. And that falls under the time I need to prepare dinner. So it’s been hit or miss. But last night baby Nico was calmer and daddy was able to hold him and put him to sleep (good job daddy.. He usually hands him over when he starts to cry)

Did you know babies cry cause they want to sleep?? I mean just go to sleep. You have that down to a T. How hard is that? Well.. I didn’t know this. I’ve had very limited amounts of baby time under my belt so hang in there guys.

As you might have noticed by the copious amounts of photos I’ve been posting (you can follow me on Instagram at ellen83 for your daily dose of baby cuteness) I’m holding the heck out of my child.. I mean — come on.. He’s only this little now. But that also means I have limited amount of time to do anything else i.e brush teeth/hair. 
He took some great naps yesterday.(might I add… In his big boy crib.. I usually keep him in his bassinet
I was able to even create this cute little logo… Btw,What do you guys think?? 
Well last night I made one of my go to meals – rice, beans, ground beef & potatoes with an arugula salad.  I missed eating my food, it was good. Hubby was happy, he has been saying to me lately if I remember how to cook.. Clever little guy. 
He just had a friend arrive from Brazil that’s staying with us so I suppose I have to be a good host and start making some  meals. 
How about you? When did you regain your cooking superpowers? Slow poke like me or right off the bat? You superwoman you!!
What was your first family meal? Want me to share my recipe, let me know in the comments below. 
Until next time!
Image from:


Breastfeeding? Of course.. It’s only natural. Well.. Not to this mama. Ironically.. I’m writing this as I’m nursing, but It was not like this in the beginning.

Warning- might get too descriptive!
Baby Nico did not latch on correctly and gosh… Was that painful!!! Imagine pieces of flesh coming off your nipples… Not pretty and frankly made me rethink the whole breastfeeding thing. But I persevered… Began to pump instead and also formula fed… Once the nipples were healed I tried again… Sometimes it worked sometimes it didn’t. I don’t pump all tha often now… But I do formula feed to give my breasts a break and to allow my hubby to feed him as well… Especially since I’m seldomly pumping (who am I kidding? It’s been at least a week and a half
My mother stayed with me for over a month and helped me tremendously… I used to wake up between 2-4 am to feed Nico then head over to the living room to pump… This little ritual would last about 1:30 to 2 hours… What I pumped was good for two morning feedings which my mother took care of while I slept a few more hours. Well.. She’s gone home now sadly so I haven’t pumped anymore.  I’ve been trying more and more to breastfeed more often. It’s not easy but I’m trying.  You know what? It does get better! 
What doesn’t get better is how annoying it is to wear a bra all day… Let alone with a breast pad, You don’t want to leak everywhere and Nipple cream is a must.. Who knew?. Showers are a God sent.
Share your nursing stories..easy? Hard?

I use Lansinoh products – Nipple cream and breast pads.  I haven’t tried any other ones.  Any recommendations?

Spit up everywhere

Baby Nico woke up for his feeding at 4:10 am. So I do just that. He seems content but as I put him on my shoulder to burp the little guy he spits up. I turn him around.. I examine his lips — seem pretty clean I don’t know what all that noise was.. Alas I turn around and feel both of my pillows wet along with my bed sheets. So I do what any sane person would, I stay still and begin soothing my baby back to sleep while feeling the cold milk touching the side of my arm. He’s out cold, I place him in his bassinet and begin to “clean” (mostly smear spit up more, thank God for pillowcases) I get up get a towel to lay down on the bed sheet, new pillowcase, & pajama pants (those got dirty too) and throw the dirty stuff on the floor (might I add.. Hubby didn’t move an inch.. I’m a ninja) and back to sleep I go. 

So that’s it! I’ll deal with that later. For now it’s snuggle time.
Share your spit up stories below.
Thanks for stopping by!

S*it they don’t tell you

Motherhood is a blessing. So much love in such a little person but there’s things they don’t tell you. But before you read all of that, here’s a picture of my little man. Isn’t he just the cutest little thing?

As I was making my bed (at 5:30 pm, really? Why bother?) I was thinking .. I should really start a blog about things pertaining motherhood that I didn’t know and know now.  I spend most of my days just holding a hungry, sleepy and/or cranky baby… Lots of time to read  mommy blogs.  Most of what I read is women getting s*it done.  But how? I mean.. These women are amazing.  They exercise, feed their children organic home made stuff, do arts & crafts, grocer y shop, run an etsy shop, write their blogs and me??? If I brush my teeth before 3 pm I’m winning. 
I meant to start this blog post yesterday, but didn’t get to it!! 
Props to the moms that get things done. Me??? You can find me failing daily with unbrushed hair & teeth anytime. 
What about you? Share something about motherhood that completely surprised you. 
I’ll mostly be using the mobile app… So forgive me for any mistakes— you can also blame it on sleep deprivation.