When Motherhood Isn’t Enough

What if motherhood isn’t enough ? Some might argue it is, as I’m sure some might argue it’s not.

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There’s a new mini-series on HBO called Big Little Lies and it’s very thought provoking and I imagine lots of moms are tuning in.

“Based on the same-titled best-seller by Liane Moriarty, “Big Little Lies” weaves a darkly comedic tale of murder and mischief in the tranquil beachfront town of Monterey, Calif. Amidst doting moms, successful husbands, beautiful children, and stunning homes exists a community fueled by rumors and divided into haves and have-nots, exposing fractured relationships between husbands and wives, parents and children, and friends and neighbors. via google.

It’s only on its fifth episode, plenty of time to catch up. I don’t want to give anything away about the show but the fourth episode really struck a chord with me which led to this blog post.

It asked the question I think every mom has at one point or another. Is motherhood enough? When motherhood isn’t enough , what do we do?

If you had asked me this question when I was a fresh new mom, I would have blurted out a loud YES! But as the year’s have passed that question has a different answer.

I feel like Belle in Beauty and the Beast “I want so much more than this provincial life” so we start finding ways to pass the time. Not that we aren’t busy with raising a child or housework.

But is that it? It’s fairly common and even accepted for a mother to stop working once she becomes a mom. As I did. I stopped “working” once I became a mom and picked up this blog two months later.

Is that surprising? I think not. I’m still recovering from losing the person I once was. I’m still trying to learn how to put my needs in front of others. It’s a daily struggle.

Perhaps you’re also struggling with this question. You’re cleaning up dirty diapers and picking up toys in your yoga pants wondering where is that nice lady you once were hiding?

For me, motherhood was enough for a very short period…  I need to focus on something other than the amount of toys on the floor or that pile of laundry.

I believe the only way I can save me from motherhood is to allow myself to say those words out loud without shame.

motherhood isn’t enough.

Not for me. I want more!

And that’s okay. And if that’s also you, say it proudly.

But what now? Yes, being a mother doesn’t “complete” me.

Those are waters I’m navigating too. You can start with something small or you can go big.

I allow myself down time. I don’t care if I have to plop the kid down with an iPad in order for me to have my time. My time to do whatever I please… Be it clean a bathroom, read a book or state at a wall.

Free yourself from the guilt of not being a good enough mother and take good care of yourself.

I’m certain a happy woman is a better mom.

So get out of there, get a job outside of the home if it’s what you want. Take up acting, painting, dancing or take up nothing but alone time. But take the time mom.

If you are struggling with the guilt/shame of accepting that motherhood isn’t enough, if this has encouraged you in any way, please let me know in the comments below so we can connect. We can brainstorm ways to shatter the perfect mother glass box we all try so hard to fit in.

Thanks for reading.

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