My World Just Isn’t The Same, I’m not Fine…Not really.

dealing with pregnancy loss, child loss, pains of a miscarriage

A miscarriage isn’t usually a topic of conversation, a lot of people shy away from having this talk with someone hurting. Of which I could understand, loss of a baby isn’t something anyone wants to talk about. I sure don’t, but it happens, it happened to me and statistically happens in 1 in 4 women.

This isn’t going to be an easy topic to discuss. I’ve been putting off writing about my miscarriage. I had prepared a blog post with the good news about my pregnancy then it happened. The unexpected became a reality for our family. In the beginning of November I found out I was pregnant with our second child. It wasn’t something we planned, once again but this time it wasn’t scary. It was comforting to know I’ve already gone through this. I knew what to expect. Continue reading “My World Just Isn’t The Same, I’m not Fine…Not really.”

What If Your Birth Plan Goes Wrong?

Birth Plan Gone Wrong?

Birth Plan gone wrong

Life kinda went into a spiral ever since I gave birth. Having an unwanted cesarean took me by surprise so much that I really haven’t taken control of my life entirely.  Everything literally feels out of whack since. I don’t know why I still haven’t been able to get things to fall in line. I am 21 months postpartum, that’s almost 2 years and I’m still haunted by it.

Partially because motherhood is different every single day. Today might be that your child skipped a nap or didn’t sleep enough.  Maybe they woke up with a runny nose.  Maybe you just couldn’t get to the laundry today. There’s always something off. Although there is the occasional “perfect” day… if you want to call it that.  But it feels like as moms we are always playing catch-up.

If you’re a first time mom like myself, hang in there! It’s a roller coaster ride daily and sometimes it’s a ride you want to get off of right away. Sometimes it isn’t fun and it’s a whole lot of work and that’s because I have ONE child. I couldn’t imagine handling more. But does it every just fall into place?  Do we ever stop playing catch-up? I remember waking up after surgery and it was just a blur.  What happened? What do I do? Moving hurts so much? I remember feeling defeated. Like I lost something and I did lose it. I was prepared. I wrote down my birth plan like they recommend you do but it all went out the window.

It feels like nothing fits anymore.  I remember when I came home from the hospital and getting up out of bed was so painful, even with the pain medication.  Crying was also big. I couldn’t help but think, everything is ruined now. I’m never going to have anymore kids. How will I? I don’t want another c-section and I started to read up on VBAC’s (Vaginal Birth After Caesarean). Yes, tons of women have them, but there is a higher risk associated with them, for mom and baby.

How do you choose? 

How do you choose? Suffer through another unwanted surgery? Or risk it by having a VBAC and hope everything works out for the best? Having children terrified me before hand.  Having any type of surgery even worse. I didn’t have an emergency c-section. I was “calmly” rolled into the surgical room. But was that the best choice? I was progressing along fine, not as quickly as the doctor wanted but the baby and I were fine. Up until the doctor came in and said if we continued the baby would be in distress.


I kept re-living that moment for a long time, and asking myself questions. I couldn’t accept what had happened to me. I didn’t read up on what could go wrong. I didn’t even think of the possibility of that happening. I was healthy, everything went great throughout my pregnancy. I didn’t even bother reading about anything that I didn’t want to have happen to me.  I think partly that was my mistake, I was so naive to think birth goes according to plan. Nothing in life goes according to plan but for some reason I disregarded that and kept on thinking everything was going to work out.

What’s my advice to you mom planning to give birth naturally?

Think about possible outcomes and how you would behave in that situation (if you could choose, obviously) What if you were to have a c-section? What if it was an emergency? I know it’s tough to think about the things we don’t want or like but what if? I urge you to be prepared for every possible outcome and plan ahead.  Being lost isn’t a feeling I enjoy and having my choice taken away has had a long term effect on me.

You May also Like:  My Birth Story and also 12 things I wish I had Done Before Giving Birth for more insights if you’re still on your journey to parenthood.

I hope everything in your Birth Plan goes/went according to how you hope/hoped but if it doesn’t/didn’t know that there are other women in that position and talking about it openly helps tremendously. And if you are in the same boat I am in… (((Hugs))) I feel you mama and I’m here for you.

Have you gone through something similar? What were some things that helped you cope with an unwanted C-section? Please share in the comments below and let’s encourage one another. (Don’t forget to share this post with your expecting friends)

Thanks for stopping in!

Books I’m Reading & Recommend

For the Love: Fighting for Grace in a World of Impossible Standards by Jen Hatmaker
The Absorbent Mind by Maria Montessori
Bringing Up Bébé: One American Mother Discovers the Wisdom by Pamela Druckerman

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Lose That Baby Weight Mom! Join us!

Now that all the parties are over and done with (I keep saying that!) and I’m breathing easier I’m able to focus on myself. At least for a few minutes. Come on, I’m still a mother after all!

I’ve started a little group for moms on Facebook and have been doing exercises along with them. Everyone knows that when you have others with the same goal, cheering you on you go farther!

So with the help of these lovely ladies, we are doing one of the Blogilates programs, which I’ll post below.  Would love to have you join us!  We are now on Day 3, but it doesn’t matter when you start as long as you do start.

After my c-section, if I did any exercises it was mostly for my glutes and legs. My abs are really weak and instead of trying to get them stronger I opted for other workouts.  It really is rough when your core is weak, you can’t hold yourself up.  Having a c-section is no joke, and I do not recommend it if it’s something you can opt out of.  I wrote a post about my birth story here, give it a read.

My focus is really to strengthen my core and so far it has worked. Day 3 of the workout schedule and I already feel stronger, able to complete fully most exercises.  Some, I still need more strength in order to do them correctly.  But I’m hanging in there and hope you’ll join me and the other mama’s.

Let’s make this year, a year to remember and forget our weaker selves.

Here’s the workout schedule:

Are you joining us? Let me know in the comments below.  Got some tips to stick to a program? Leave those too!

Photo Credit: Flickr// Metalife Pilates



Babywearing 101 – How to Safely Use Baby Carriers

Women have been wearing their children for a very long time, in fact centuries. Being a mother means being able to do things simultaneously and baby wearing has come to the rescue. While I was pregnant I searched for items that would be most used by me and the baby.  I didn’t want to be stuck with a bunch of things I wouldn’t put to use.  So what exactly is baby wearing? To put is simply, exactly what is says.

There are so many infant carriers and slings out there. I’ve only tried two so I’m partial to them but you can always try different ones with your little one and see which is most comfortable to you and to your baby.

My first experience with baby wearing was with a Moby wrap.  Nico really enjoyed being in it when he was a newborn. But I could say honestly that I’ve never tried with him bigger. There’s not doubt the comfort level of the Moby wrap is unbeatable. But for me, having all that fabric to wrap around me was a bit of a turn off. I didn’t get to fully experience it’s benefits.

I don’t know if I’ll give it another try now, but since then I’ve been really using the Ergo Baby. It’s easy to put on and take off.  And I couldn’t be happier with it.  The only thing I dislike about it is the fact that my son will always bite and drool on the shoulder straps.  But I solve that by sticking a pacifier in his mouth.

Script below care of Baby Wearing International 

It is very important to understand basic babywearing safety before ever putting on a carrier. As with any baby product, baby carriers can pose potential safety hazards if they are not used carefully and correctly.

Make sure your child’s airway remains open at all times while babywearing. The best way to do this is to keep him or her in an upright position, high enough on your body to monitor breathing and ensure that her chin is off her chest. Babywearing International recommends that infants only be held in a horizontal or cradle position while actively nursing (if desired) and return to an upright or vertical position as soon as they have finished.

It is also important that your carrier provide adequate support for your infant’s developing neck and back. Ideally baby should be held with his knees higher than his bottom with legs in a spread squat position and support from knee to knee although with older babies and toddlers full knee to knee support is not always possible or necessary. An ergonomic carrier (whether a soft structured carrier, Asian-style carrier, sling, or wrap) will provide better support for baby and will be more comfortable for the caregiver as well.

Always inspect your carrier for wear or damage before use examining it for weak spots, loose stitching, worn fabrics, etc. BWI recommends purchasing a carrier from a reputable manufacturer to ensure that it meets all current US safety, testing, and labeling standards.

Practice all carries—especially back carries–with a spotter, over a bed or couch, or low to the ground until you are completely confident. A BWI meeting is the perfect place to learn new skills with the assistance of a Volunteer Babywearing Educator. In most cases it is best to be comfortable with front carries before attempting back carries.

Always exercise common sense while babywearing. Baby carriers are not an approved child restraint or floatation device and should not be used in moving vehicles or boats. Avoid babywearing in situations where it would not be safe to carry an infant in-arms.

Here’s an illustration on how to safely wear your baby in an infant carrier.

Here’s an illustration on how to safely wear your baby in a sling.

Whichever way you choose to wear your baby, be sure to wear them safely. I hope this has been a helpful post and that you’ll wear those babies proudly. Want to know more about baby wearing? Click here to learn more about it’s benefits.

So, what about you? Do you wear your baby? Which carrier is your favorite?

Thank you for stopping in.


Must Have Items for Baby & Mama // First Months

baby's First months

It’s MONDAY! Okay, for a stay at home mom it’s just like any other day. So no more hatred for Mondays here. That’s a reason to celebrate. I hope everyone had a great weekend and enjoyed some quality time with their family.  We did! Yesterday was “Children’s Day” in Brazil and Nico got some cool gifts. (Why on earth don’t we have this holiday here?) Anyways, I wrote a little list of most used items for the first months of a baby’s life. Here we go.

Being pregnant is such an exciting moment in a woman’s life.  It really is. It’s amazing to feel your little one move inside of you. There are really no words but it is also a very uncertain time. With the countless amounts of products out there it really does a number on you.  I tried reading up on most things I purchased for Nico but it is hard work and exhausting. Some products I just gave up and just picked one, got tired of trying to decide which is best. But I got through it. And there are things I’m still working on. It’s a learning process. You never really know what else your child will need, so I add new things as needed.

But there are some MUST BUY items every mama should have.



Breast pads, Nipple cream, Breast pump, Storage bags, bottles (I use Avent Bottles), bottle cleaning brushes, bottle rack dryer, burp cloths, and a nursing pillow. If formula feeding you’ll also need a powdered formula dispenser. I did not however purchase a bottle warmer, but you are welcome to. Click here to learn about breast milk storage.


Bathtub (I wrote a blog post about this one, you can read it here), Baby towels (I have 4), Mild Baby Shampoo and body wash. (I use this)


Bassinet – A must for those night time feedings and want baby nearby to make it easier on mama & baby. You do not need a crib yet unless you want one. I really just got one to finish the babies room (which he’s never spent a night in)
Swaddle Blankets (At first I used the regular brands they sell any baby store then switched over to the muslin blankets from Aden + Anais– best choice ever, they are gauze like, breathable, less worrying about baby suffocating and what not.)


Stroller & Car Seat: (I purchased a travel system – honestly it was one of the most difficult things to buy.  There are too many options. This is what we have in the Sandstone color.
Infant Carrier: I must say this is something I use often. Baby wearing is something I do a lot and will write more about it in another post. I own 2. This one and this one. The Moby feels nice but it’s just too complicated to be taken out regularly, living in Florida and having all that cloth around you is just too much. I may be used it 4 times total, all at home when Nico was very little. Now the Ergo Baby, I use all the time.  


Diaper bag: (Now this one, also there are so many to choose from, This is what I have in Royal Envy. I love it but am thinking of getting a second one from Lily Jade, they have some really nice bags and they look like regular hand bags.)
Diapers: Disposable or Cloth (Working a blog post about this)
Wipes (We use 7th generation, and I have never used my wipes holder, it’s sitting in Nico’s closet untouched)
I did not purchase a diaper pail and I still haven’t seen a need for it till today.


Pacifiers (Nico has always used these, although I bought others and even that hideous hospital one, I don’t know what kind of voodoo the hospital has with the company that makes them, but they need to stop. I’m glad he chose this one.)
Baby Clothes (You probably won’t have to purchase much of these early on, but Nico didn’t wear newborn for too long. So If you’re going to buy clothes yourself, I suggest a few smaller pieces but the bulk should be bigger sizes, keeping in my mind of the weather when your child will be wearing it. I used hats on Nico maybe up until 2 months, he never wore gloves – choking hazard, but he definitely wore socks.

Health & Safety: 

I bought those First Aid Kits & Grooming Kits.  The bulb syringe in those are crap, the hospital ones are good, ask the nurses for a second one.  Most of the items in those kits I have not used, aside from nail clippers. I also bought those forehead thermometers, which I still have no idea how it works.  My plan is to buy the ear thermometers, they seem like a no-brainer, but I hope not to use it any time soon.

There are things that you might need or want to use sometimes. Like a pack n’ play or a swing but those are not necessary.  Nico has a swing that we may be used 10 times at most. It’s just gathering dust. He just wasn’t satisfied sitting in there doing nothing.  Some babies are more mellow. 

Hope you enjoyed this list. How about you? What are some of your most used items? Did they make it on my list? Am I missing something? Let me me know in the comments section below.

Thank you for stopping in.



How I Got Pregnant

It’s not what you think.. Not sharing kinky positions, just a funny story! Although I’m sure some of you wouldn’t mind the kink. LOL. We all know HOW it happened.

short pixie hair

I’ve never been very child minded, you won’t see me going up to babies saying how cute they are or ask to pick them up, but I knew one day I wanted to be a mother. As the years passed I kept on saying maybe a little later and so on. The thought of becoming a mother eluded me. I just thought I was never ready, it’s a lot of responsibility that I didn’t think I had the ability to handle yet.

This all started back when I decided to cut my hair pixie style (see picture). I’ve always had thin straight hair and mostly long (see picture) but I’ve never cut it this short, I mean the hair stylist used a razor on the back of my hair. I really liked it but I always go back to my long hair. Well as the time passed the area where the razor was used in my hair started coming in wavy, I mean super wavy. I spoke to my doctor and all she could say is she’s never seen that happen, hair texture may change with time but I’ve never seen it in a patch, she also added that maybe something traumatic happened to me which caused an imbalance and suggested I see someone in the eastern medicine field that western medicine had nothing to add. (I didn’t visit anyone else, maybe I should have tried)

So now I have long hair, straight in the front and underneath the straight hair there’s a wavy patch growing. I don’t “do” my hair, I don’t use blow dryers or straighteners or curling irons, I’m not used to doing anything other than letting it air dry.

So I bought all of the items above and for a period of maybe 3 weeks I tried to fix my hair, but that didn’t last very long. I don’t know what I’m doing, can’t see what I’m doing and it just didn’t stick with me.
This still bothered me. Why is my hair like this??

Fast forward to March 2013, I had a the brilliant idea of stopping my birth control. I had been taking it for a while and I had switched to a new around the time my hair was chopped off. I figured, I would stay off it for a month to see if maybe the pill was the culprit. I also figured I would be safe from pregnancy since I’ve been on it for so long, I thought it would last at least a month. Well ladies, not even a week. TA-DA I was pregnant.  Within a month I found out I was pregnant, I didn’t have symptoms other than I was feeling bloated, and that’s not something normal for me. I decided to take a test just be sure pregnancy wasn’t the issue. I cried. I panicked. I wasn’t ready. But are we ever ready? You only realize what being a mother really is once you’re knee deep in it.

But I have to say I was made to be Nicolas’ mother.  There’s no greater joy than to see his smiling face in the morning yapping away words that don’t make sense.  It really has given my life new purpose and in some ways I am thankful for my mess of a hair.  Without it I wouldn’t have become a mother, not by choice. I don’t think I would have ever had the courage to actually say LET’S HAVE A BABY.  God had his plans and it happened when He wanted it, not when I saw fit.

What about you? Was it a conscious decision or was it an OOPS like my story was? I would love to hear your story in the comments below.

Thanks for stopping by!



12 Things I Wish I Had Done Before Giving Birth


12 Things I Should Have Done Before Giving Birth

Remember a time where if you wanted to you could just do NOTHING? Nah? Me neither. If you know me personally, you know I’m a procrastinator to a T.  I like to have a deadline I suppose, get that adrenaline going or I’m just lazy.

I waited and waited to get things done when I was pregnant and some of them I’m still working on until this day.

Here’s a little list I’ve compiled for some of the things I should have done. Maybe you’re in the same boat and these will you give an idea of what to expect if you wait until the last minute. Continue reading “12 Things I Wish I Had Done Before Giving Birth”