Struggling to Find My Rhythm

I’ve been on a little summer break from writing on the blog. We’ve been traveling and I’ve lost my writing rhythm. I have a problem with starting things. Once I do start with a project and something goes wrong or I stop for whatever reason that project will most likely not come to fruition. Why is that? I don’t know. I guess that’s something weird about me. Mommy struggles people.

We were in Jacksonville at my parents house for a couple of weeks and once we’ve returned I’ve been focused on getting the house organized. We’re remodeling and updating the house we purchased back in the beginning of February. Slow & steady it’s coming along.  Our new appliances are in place and my kitchen is beginning to look like something I enjoy cooking in.

Then there’s the occasional “I have too much on my plate” days.

I just sit on the couch with the kiddo and watch cartoons with him. I’m in a total funk right now. I don’t know if it’s because I’ve been so isolated from moving away to a new place.  I haven’t joined any class activities with my son. We haven’t decided on a church to attend or have gone to any to see if they fit our family (other than an open house for a new church that’s opening up soon).

Ultimately, I’ve been down a lot lately. I’m struggling to put myself out there. I’m in need of a village that’s not around and I simply don’t have the strength to search for one. Basically I’m digging myself a bigger hole of loneliness. There are days I have a burst of energy where I get lots done, my bullet journal has helped me through keeping track of my day to day activities. Sometimes I just don’t write in it for days at a time.

It’s not that I don’t want to write. I do! I’ve just had a lot on my mind. I’m being pulled in different directions and nothing gets written down. I have total scatter brain, some of it is still the effects of my miscarriage. Miscarriage, plus new city, no friends, and scatter brain are not a good combination.

I’ll have tons of ideas on what to write but I never get around to it. So today I decided to just let whatever is my head at this exact moment pour out of me so I can begin to feel some clarity. They said a brain dump is something you should do daily. I’m doing an emotional dump right now in the hopes it will get the writing/creative juices flowing again.

Thanks for sticking around & reading through my struggles. Have you gone through this or something similar? What did you do to get yourself out of the funk?


Books To Read:

*These are affiliate links, by purchasing through the links below you help me keep up with costs associated with running a blog at no additional cost to you. Thanks in advance!

1.For the Love: Fighting for Grace in a World of Impossible Standards by Jen Hatmaker
2.The Absorbent Mind by Maria Montessori
3.Bringing Up Bébé: One American Mother Discovers the Wisdom by Pamela Druckerman
4.Praying Circles Around Your Children by Mark Batterson
5.Motherhood Realized: An Inspiring Anthology for the Hardest Job You’ll Ever Love by Power of Moms

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Coping With Stress Brought on by Motherhood

I don’t know when my obsession with silence started but I can only guess it was after I became a mom. I’ve never needed so much quiet time as possible as I need now. When you’re in mom mode you are in constant movement.  Saying NO for the millionth time in a row or keeping your child from electrocuting themselves is a perpetual nightmare.

When my son is napping that’s when I usually write or do something that would work out better if he wasn’t around like an important phone call. Maybe I’ll put on a movie or clean something.  But there are a few things I will not do, which are run the dishwasher or laundry (unless it’s just folding). I don’t mind certain noises, but even the sound of the AC turning on makes me want to get up and turn it off.

It gets worse when bedtime comes around. After he is down for the night, I DEFINITELY do not want to hear any noises at home. Doors opening and closing are something that truly irk me. I don’t mind having the T.V. on but it has to be a level next to impossible to hear (I usually just read the caption). I’m so paranoid that I will do something to wake Nico up that a pin drop will irritate probably.

I’m telling you this because I am truly obsessed. I haven’t run across any other moms (not personally) that obsess over noises as much as I do. It’s gotten to a point sometimes that I just feel it’s better for me to go to bed than get irritated by random noises. Could it be motherhood has caused me to go bonkers? (more bonkers than I already was?)  Being alone is also something I treasure like crazy now. I just need a few minutes to myself. Not making anyone food, not cleaning up after anyone, just me… alone… with a cellphone in hand. I know this one for sure most moms would agree on. Feels like a vacation doesn’t it? Ahhhh 5 minutes of silence and solitude.

I find peace in solitude.. truthfully I’ve never been one to enjoy crowded, loud places and I’ve determined that it’s okay for me. So tell me there is one of you out there that obsess with being left alone?  Motherhood is the toughest, most draining job there is and of course it’s rewards are incogitable but it doesn’t take away from the fact that it is HARD. De-stressing at the end of the day is necessary for every one and I hope you also have a healthy way of doing that.

We all joke about how moms are infatuated with wine. There are countless memes on the internet recounting of such tales. But I can tell you that they are true and wine is a great stress-reliever when consumed responsibly.

Having some time for meditation also is a great stress-reliever.  This one is a difficult one for me but I think it’s the most helpful. We always want to be “doing” something and having 10 minutes of silence can be a great way to re-compose ourselves. If you can go for a walk during your quiet time, even better. You can get your exercise in and clear your head at the same time.

Something else that helps me is reading books. I love buying new books and with mostly every book imaginable available at our fingertips now with online shopping, if you want to read something right now buying the kindle version of it, is just a few seconds away.  I have a few that I’ve downloaded all ranging in different topics, this way I can read something to go according to how my day went.

These are easy things we can do to make sure we remain sane throughout our journey through the very tumultuous thing they called motherhood.

I’m glad you’ve stopped by and hope I’ve given you some tips to help coping with stress. Do you have any tips for dealing with stress? Let me know in the comments below.

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Books I’m Reading & Recommend

For the Love: Fighting for Grace in a World of Impossible Standards by Jen Hatmaker
The Absorbent Mind by Maria Montessori
Bringing Up Bébé: One American Mother Discovers the Wisdom by Pamela Druckerman

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