The other day I joined some other moms for a mom to mom chat on Instagram . We had a really open and introspective conversation about motherhood and our pre-mom life. We were to ask a general motherhood question and the question I brought up in the chat was—
” What I miss most about my pre-mom life? “
We got some really interesting answers!
It’s not our pre-mom body (although it would be nice). It was an answer that I think a lot of moms can relate to. I say this with confidence that most moms would agree that our time is what we desperately miss about our pre-mom life.
Oh time, why did I forsake you in my teenage years? In my early twenties!!!
George Bernard Shaw was correct when he said Youth is wasted on the young, not that I’m old or anything. I’m still in my early thirties but when I think back on all the time I had available and how sometimes I would complain about how little time I had? So foolish. I guess we can also add that Time is wasted on the Young.
The flexibility of life of a non-parent is something that most people will only acknowledge once they have actually had children. And oh boy! It will hit you like a ton of bricks when you realize you can’t use the bathroom without an audience being present, possibly commenting.
Sure you can make time for yourself as a parent, and you definitely should but it’s just not the same. You HAVE to make time.
All of your little “freedoms” get taken away and you live for the ankle biters. My kiddo “tells” me when it’s a good time to go grocery shopping, when to shower, when to sleep or not or when to eat, when it’s a good time to make a phone call (side note: there’s never a good time to get on an important call with a toddler. EVER)
Not because he actually has control over me but because their needs come first. In a sense he does, because if you are not sensitive to their emotions it’s going to blow up in your face. Their sleep comes first mostly because cranky babies, toddlers and children aren’t something I’d like to deal with in the middle of the supermarket or anywhere.
Yes, tantrums sometimes happens anyways. But a well-rested & well-fed child is less likely misbehave (for a period of time, probably shorter then you think). That’s where the decision making comes into play. What task/errand is most important? Is going to the market right now worth the possible tantrum? Maybe not, maybe tomorrow will be a better day or maybe you are at their golden hour (well-slept & fed). Then go on mama! Hit the road!
So when do we get time to ourselves? Technically we don’t, we can choose to not do something else and use that time for ourselves. But keep in mind you’ll just have to A: do what you were supposed to be quicker B: Not do it all.
If you are not yet a mom or dad or is expecting for the first time, please do take some time to yourself. If you are planning on getting pregnant, this would also be a great time to the those things you’ve always wanted to sans baby. Parenthood is tough, it’s exhausting and you don’t get breaks.
Is it worth it? Of course it is. But with everything that is worth something comes a lot of sacrifice, hard work and perseverance. You have to be ready and willing to deal with the demands of tiny human beings.
I miss my pre-mom life but I wouldn’t change being a mom for anything.
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1.For the Love: Fighting for Grace in a World of Impossible Standards by Jen Hatmaker
2.The Absorbent Mind by Maria Montessori
3.Bringing Up Bébé: One American Mother Discovers the Wisdom by Pamela Druckerman
4.Praying Circles Around Your Children by Mark Batterson
5.Motherhood Realized: An Inspiring Anthology for the Hardest Job You’ll Ever Love by Power of Moms
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